I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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