wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
