how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
