My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
