I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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