listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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