you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
