i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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