3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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