i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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