ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
