I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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