FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
