My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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