More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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