I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
