Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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