My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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