she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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