If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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