if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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