saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
