I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the day after is always just damage control
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize