hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
