I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
