I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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