Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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