sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
