That's intense
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
