i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
