Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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