You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
