I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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