We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
