All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
