please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize