im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
