and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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