We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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