Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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