I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
