god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
