Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
