took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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