Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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