Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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