is your mom at the bar?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize