i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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