WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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