i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
