how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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