I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
