I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
