508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
