Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
