Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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