Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
