saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
