As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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