My hair reeks of homosexuality.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
