then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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