Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
